The random plots below are the best 8 created by the 40 or so pupils who attended 'Meet the Author' at Gordano School 8th February 2010.

 

Genre Horror Spooky Horror Sci-Fi
The main character is a Walking cheese pie which talks A bald depressed chicken A singing tellytubby Leprechaun
The main settings are A McDonalds kitchen, a bathroom and a bedroom The haunted mansion A Saturday morning TV cooking studio A football stadium
The story is told from the point of view of The main character with a narrator A cat burglar A tooth A god looking down from heaven
The main themes are A sabotaged expedition Lamp posts planning to conquer the world Inside a tooth Sports sweets
The unknowns are A mermaid hiding in a toilet Will the chicken cross the road? The world is suffering from an epidemic Rattling sounds from a fish tank
The structure of the book is Bananas Linear Comic Comedy
Thinkbot's viewpoint A walking cheese pie that talks eh? A pity it didn't listen to the Mermaid in the toilet in the bathroom, yelling at it that leaving the safety of its bedroom to mount an expedition to a McDonalds kitchen might not be a good idea. Dumb Big Mac vs a walking talking cheese pie - which sounds the most appetizing to you?

The curved yellow banana structure of the plot results in horrors involving catering knives and hot surfaces that simply cannot be described until after 9pm.

 I crept up to the rear of the mansion and forced the window open. Creeping through the darkened interior I became aware of a presence observing me. I froze, fearing the owner knew I was there.

Warble warble - the phone rang, a terrifying voice rang out ANSWER IT! I gingerly lifted the receiver. 'Look out of the window' said the caller. I crept towards the window and there I saw on the pavement on the far side of the road a chicken holding a gun to its head. All around it the lamp posts were slowly closing in . . . .

 What's the cause of the global epidemic of tooth decay?

Could it possibly be due to the Saturday Morning Kitchen show?

Or is it the singing tellytubby? Quite honestly, can one imagine a more horrific comic character?

The tooth has a difficult time answering these thrilling questions as it can only see what's going on when its host's mouth is open.

The book is likely to be a bit disjointed, with frequent dark slurpy episodes involving lips and tongues.

 What? What? How can anyone possibly create a plot from this nonsense?

Gods don't watch football from heaven. There are no leprechauns in the Premier League.

And who's fish tank is it? Surely they're just hungry and are not the slightest bit interested in high energy sports sweets. I sure they'd prefer whoever owns the tank to stop watching football and sort the rattling out.

 

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Genre Romance Depressing comedy Romance Comedy
The main character is a blue frog that thinks it is a piano A gorilla-eating shoe Heroic sportsman Bob Marley and his evil sidekick Trevor the talking biscuit tin
The main settings are a tree house, a library and a pigsty Hyperkinetic audit, Bettaware trading ship The sewers under Wembley stadium Magical biscuit tin land and a library
The story is told from the point of view of Fred the fish A demented zombie monkey with wings Someone on a lilo lost at sea Bob Marley
The main themes are Chickens Love & marriage A colony of penguins Throwing mushy peas
The unknowns are How far is it from Bristol to London That your own brain is looking at you Why the bran flakes are demanding payment The poisonous cookies
The structure of the book is Double thread. Multiple planets Single thread Overlapping episodes starring my Nan's best friend's pet apples' owner's previous nephew
Thinkbot's viewpoint Thread 1: Fred the fish falls for the disturbed blue frog and pursues her from her tree house to the local library via a pigsty. Whilst in the farmyard Fred suddenly realises the vital role of chickens and their significance to pianists. (Hey! I'm trying my best - I didn't make up this crazy plot - you did!)

Thread 2: The AA Road Atlas clearly states that it's 107 miles from Bristol to London, but only for a land-based creature - poor Fred has to swim all the way around Land's End, up the English channel and round into the Thames estuary - such love!

 This might be a tricky one. (i.e. even trickier than normal . . )

You see, the story is told from a demented viewpoint, and not even a human one at that. This means I could write almost anything and claim it as a plot. In addition, there are some other worrying aspects to this plot - for example 'a gorilla eating shoe' - surely this should be a' shoe-eating gorilla?' Then there's the 'being looked at by your own brain' angle, not to mention that this is all occurring on more than one planet, between which hyperkinetic audits and Bettaware trading ships travel.

But, of course, love and marriage fit seamlessly into this pyscho-physics hotch potch. Correct? Sounds like a typical romance to me, but I can't be sure since I'm just a tin robot.

 The bran flakes are clearly demanding payment for fulfilling their contract to unblock the  sewers under Wembley, which resulted in the heroic sportsman being washed out to sea riding a lilo on a tsunami of effluent. With few options to choose from, the heroic sportsman joins a colony of penguins heading south. A romance flares with a penguin, or rather with all the penguins since they all look the same, so he marries one a random and lives happily ever after a short time before freezing to death. In this thrilling story, we follow the famous musical Jamaican and his little known Rastafarian biscuit tin buddy Trevor, scourge of the Whalers (that's supposed to be 'Wailers' you idiotic robot - Ed.).

Anyway, during an American tour one of the Whalers, fed up with Trevor, tried to empty a packet of poisonous cookies into the pathetically wailing tin having forced its lid off. Trevor is saved by the inexplicable appearance of Bob's Nan's best friend's pet python owner's dog's uncle's dead niece armed with 300kg of mushy peas.

All the police find is evidence of a mushy pea fight in the library, where Bob and Trevor had been refreshing their knowledge of harpoons (You idiot! You've totally lost the plot on this one.  Ed.).

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