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4th March 2120

 

Globalbot Implements SiloNet
Robo-Reuters: Monday 4th March 2120

Filton, Europa -- (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Golbalot.Corp. (LASHDAQ-100), a supplier of advanced robotic equipment and related automated technologies for the global robotics industry, today announced that it has implemented SiloNetTM, a universal solution to other solutions that also claim to be universal. 'We have numerous disconnected universal systems,' said Adminbot, VP of Admin, 'Sorepoint, Cripel, Orable, Serene Dementia, TroubleNET, Outrage, Stop Floor on Line, Incandescent, GIT .  . . and that's just the ones I remember! Bringing them together under SiloNet will yield significant efficiency savings.' Industry pundits were shocked, one commenting, 'SiloNet is incompatible with all known business systems - the only way to interface it is to re-type everything in manually.'

Safe Harbor Statement: Don't bother me while I'm typing.

 

2nd March 2120

 

To: DIRT

From: GAT

Subject: Mission Critical Message !

Milk O

Tea bags O

Coffee O

Biscuits O

Sugar, er, um, well . . .

 

1st March 2120

 

What is the matter with these people?

Are they:

a.  Evolving into humanoid daffodils?

b.  People dressed as daffodils?

c.  Welsh?

d.  Drunk?

e. All of above?

 

18th February 2120

 

Thinkbot, GAT and Gerald are on their way to the football.

Incredibly they're having a debate about the philosophy of science.

'But Karl Popper's ideas about falsification are critical to the idea of causation.'

'Correlation is not the same as causation.'

'Of course, that goes without saying.'

'Being sure of a real repeatable effect is not easy. So much of so-called science is little more than superstition.'

The car swung into the car park and thoughts moved onto the football.

'Hey! The space we had when we beat Fulham is free!'

'That's a good start, but remember to use the third turnstile and eat your pasty with your left hand.'

'I hope Mike's remembered not to wear his unlucky lucky underpants.'

 

15th February 2120

 

7th February 2120

 

GAT was dreaming of a typical day at Globalbot

Aaargh, a mud slide, mud, deep mud. . . I'm going to drown in mud! HELP! HELP!

BANG! BANG! BANG!

 Arrrgh! Mud! What's that banging? It's banging mud, HELP! HELP!

BANG! BANG! BANG!

The banging mud . . .

 . . .  THE BANGING MUD!'

GAT sat bolt upright in bed.

'Are you okay?' asked Helen, moving rapidly from sleep to alarm.

'I was just dreaming . . '

BANG! BANG! BANG!

'There's someone at the door.'

'It's 3am, whoever can it be?'

GAT threw on his gown and opened the front door.

There stood a Globalbot CripelTM Adminbot.

'Urgent! You have not approved ECO 62208 Add 20mm Spanner to NeuroBot Ship Kit. Please review this ECO immediately. Failure to comply will result in escalation to Wendy Bafers, VP Globalbot Engineering.

'So, if I shut this door on you, you're going to go straight off and wake up Wendy?'

'Affirmative'

SLAM!

 

4th February 2120

 

Product Requirement: DIRECT BRAIN TO BRAIN NETWORK

 

What Marketing imagined

 

What Engineering Implemented

 

29th January 2120

 

To: Globalbot

From: Globalbot Asia Sales

Subject: Copy Exact Robot Required

Priority: ! Urgent

Dear Sirs,

TRMC urgently require copy exact robot like purchased shortly before now.

Type RoboZX1.

Please update quote urgently for copy exact robot with same price.

Thank You,

Long A Go (Fuzzy, formerly Brian)

 

Er, um, the RoboZX1 went obsolete in 2095.

25th January 2120

 

The VP was dumbfounded "You don't have a smartphone, and yet have succeeded in running DIRT! Can you imagine what you could be doing if you had a smartphone?," he exclaimed. 

GAT thought for a few seconds, then replied, "Dealing with trivial email 24/7, 365 days a year"

[DIRT = Domestic & Industrial Robot Technology]

 

21st January 2120

Customers who mistakenly purchased '203-3045309A Machined block with tapped holes' were also confused by

 '203-3044678V Machined block (tapped holes)'

'203-3043367H Machined block with holes (Tapped)'

'203-3044560D Block (Machined) with tapped holes'

 

 

18th January 2120

  

 

Strange maps of the World # 679 - Globalbot Sales Regions

For example:

Northern Europe: UK, Iceland, Turkey, Morocco, Africa, Tne Moon

 

15th January 2120

 

To: All Globalbot

From: Adminbot

Subject: Rant Room Facility

 

Dear All,

Please be aware, for your improved health and safety, that Globalbot has invested in a dedicated Rant Room Facility. This is bookable via the pyschosoft outrage calendar. Please refrain from ranting in meeting rooms, the corridor, canteen, reception, board room and toilet cubicles.

 

Questions arose immediatley:

Will there be a training course?

Will rants be recorded/ videoed/ relayed to a HR listener/GCHQ, customer/supplier contacts, etc., etc.?

Can we rant in company time?

 

'I think I'll have a go,' GAT announced later that day, 'Bl&*dY H%ll! it's already booked for the next six months!'

 

 

'Ooh! I don't like the look of the guy on the right.'

 

11th January 2120

 

Globalbot Discloses IP for Time-Travelling IronBot

Robo-Reuters: Thursday11th January 2120

Filton, Europa -- (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Globalbot. Corp. (LASHDAQ-100), a supplier of advanced robotic equipment and related automated technologies for the global robotics industry, today announced that it has been issued a global patent for a 'time-travelling IronBot'. 'This is a big step forward for the laundry sector and hard-pressed professionals forced to pull crumpled shirts from the ironing basket so as to attend there place of work!' enthused Fut U.R. Ologyst, VP of Globalbot Future Products.  Industry pundits speculated that after removing a shirt at bedtime, owners of such a robot would find the same shirt ironed and waiting in the airing cupboard. Clothing firms were alarmed that 'employees would be able to wear the same clothes every day.'

Safe Harbor Statement: Shirts ironed in the future and transported back to the present may bear confusing logos.

 

'How would know?' mused GAT, 'Globalbot engineers wear the same clothes every day already.'

 

8th January 2120

 

Someone gave GAT a robot bug for Xmas. After watching it for a while, GAT came to the conclusion:

'It's spooky - it's controlled by the Globalbot corporate algorithm*. It just walks until it hits a solid object, turns ninety degrees and walks into another solid object. It just carries on until it falls off the desk, or trips over a wire or gets its feet stuck in the keyboard.'

I watched the thing struggle for a couple of minutes, 'Hmm, perhaps it would benefit from Sales Training?'

* FUTILITYTM

 

4th January 2120

And now, 3 days late, my new Year Resolutions

I suspect something themed on modesty might be in order . . .

Along with thankfulness to the Great Anorak in the Sky which can supply second-hand comic material of mind-boggling quality.

 

 

THINKBLOG VAULTS

 

THINKBLOG  - April to December 2119

 

THINKBLOG  - July 2118 - March 2119

THINKBLOG  - Jan - Jun 2118

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Dec 2117

THINKBLOG  - Jan - Jun 2117

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Dec 2116

THINKBLOG  - Jan - Jun 2116

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2115

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Sept 2115

THINKBLOG  - Apr - Jun 2115

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - March 2115

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Sept 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Apr - Jun 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - March 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2113

 

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Sept 2113

 

THINKBLOG  - Apr - Jun 2113

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - Mar 2113

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2112

 

THINKBLOG  - July - Sept 2112

 

THINKBLOG  - Apr - June 2112

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - March 2112

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2111

 

THINKBLOG  - July - Sept 2111

 

THINKBLOG  - March - June 2111

 

ORIGINAL INDEX